If you would have told me five years ago I would ‘just’ have boys – I know there would be a part of me that would be a little bit sad, despite only ever imagining myself with a herd of boys (herd being more than two). I’ve been thinking about this recently, because a sweet lady on Instagram (pregnant with her third boy) messaged me, asking how I deal with the negativity surrounding ‘just’ having boys, when she is literally over the moon to be carrying her third healthy baby boy.
I wondered for a while about what she meant, and then a few memories came flooding back to me. There was the lady at church that looked totally distraught when I told her our third baby was going to be another boy. She sighed heavily. I must admit, I enjoyed telling her the most. Naughty, I know. Then there are the (many) people who say: “Oh, another boy, you must have wanted a girl”, or my favourite, “You’re going to have your hands full”, or “Well, at least boys are more loving”. Does anyone believe this stuff? Where does it come from? We are talking about another person. A perfect baby, and it’s all total nonsense.
Fast forward five years, and I have three little boys, and it makes sense. Each time I’ve been told I’m having a boy it has made sense, and each time I’ve been told I’m having another boy, I have become less bothered about having a girl – genuinely. Five years ago I couldn’t imagine feeling like that, but a lot has changed since then.
Maybe it’s because I’m religious (or because I had a very happy upbringing), but I have always felt a huge sense of belonging to my family – my parents, and my siblings…and that also extends to my new family – Jared’s family. To me, there is purpose behind it. I’ve always felt like my parents were supposed to be my parents. It’s not chance. I feel this now with my own children – they are supposed to be mine. They are mine so I can teach them, and so that they can teach me.
Almost every day I ask myself: “Why have I been sent these three little people?” and kindness is always the first thing that comes into my mind. I’m not interested in them being cool, handsome, popular, strong, manly or tough. I want them to be kind, to think those around them, to be sensitive, to feel secure and happy in themselves and to make the world a better place. These are the things we desperately try to weave into our parenting, and are the things that really concern us.
The reasons for preferring a girl have no foundation – intrigue comes first, but that’s not really a reason is it? I might exercise different parenting skills, a girl could change the dynamic and calm things down a bit. Jared’s reason is slightly more pressing – he wants a mini Esther. I’m lucky – I already have three mini Jareds. I am overwhelmingly, unbelievably fortunate.
I get excited imagining me on a spa day with one of my boys (or maybe all three). I can’t wait for one of them to come outfit shopping with me in the future for an upcoming wedding. I want to go travelling with them, and play sport with them. I want to have Christmas at their houses and go for Afternoon Tea. I just need to make sure I teach one of them to be able to style my hair – that would be a dream come true.
We’re almost certain that we’ll just be adding one more to our brood of boys – will it be pink, or will it be blue?