‘Just’ having boys

If you would have told me five years ago I would ‘just’ have boys – I know there would be a part of me that would be a little bit sad, despite only ever imagining myself with a herd of boys (herd being more than two). I’ve been thinking about this recently, because a sweet lady on Instagram (pregnant with her third boy) messaged me, asking how I deal with the negativity surrounding ‘just’ having boys, when she is literally over the moon to be carrying her third healthy baby boy.

I wondered for a while about what she meant, and then a few memories came flooding back to me. There was the lady at church that looked totally distraught when I told her our third baby was going to be another boy. She sighed heavily. I must admit, I enjoyed telling her the most. Naughty, I know. Then there are the (many) people who say: “Oh, another boy, you must have wanted a girl”, or my favourite, “You’re going to have your hands full”, or “Well, at least boys are more loving”. Does anyone believe this stuff? Where does it come from? We are talking about another person. A perfect baby, and it’s all total nonsense.

Fast forward five years, and I have three little boys, and it makes sense. Each time I’ve been told I’m having a boy it has made sense, and each time I’ve been told I’m having another boy, I have become less bothered about having a girl – genuinely. Five years ago I couldn’t imagine feeling like that, but a lot has changed since then.

Maybe it’s because I’m religious (or because I had a very happy upbringing), but I have always felt a huge sense of belonging to my family – my parents, and my siblings…and that also extends to my new family – Jared’s family. To me, there is purpose behind it. I’ve always felt like my parents were supposed to be my parents. It’s not chance. I feel this now with my own children – they are supposed to be mine. They are mine so I can teach them, and so that they can teach me.

Almost every day I ask myself: “Why have I been sent these three little people?” and kindness is always the first thing that comes into my mind. I’m not interested in them being cool, handsome, popular, strong, manly or tough. I want them to be kind, to think those around them, to be sensitive, to feel secure and happy in themselves and to make the world a better place. These are the things we desperately try to weave into our parenting, and are the things that really concern us.

The reasons for preferring a girl have no foundation – intrigue comes first, but that’s not really a reason is it? I might exercise different parenting skills, a girl could change the dynamic and calm things down a bit. Jared’s reason is slightly more pressing – he wants a mini Esther. I’m lucky – I already have three mini Jareds. I am overwhelmingly, unbelievably fortunate.

I get excited imagining me on a spa day with one of my boys (or maybe all three). I can’t wait for one of them to come outfit shopping with me in the future for an upcoming wedding. I want to go travelling with them, and play sport with them. I want to have Christmas at their houses and go for Afternoon Tea. I just need to make sure I teach one of them to be able to style my hair – that would be a dream come true.

We’re almost certain that we’ll just be adding one more to our brood of boys – will it be pink, or will it be blue?

Who cares.

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E xx

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12 Comments

  1. 24th August 2016 / 8:10 pm

    Totally agree with all of this, I do wonder if people with three girls hear the ‘hands full’ comment as much as I do! I never imagined I’d have three boys and people always ask if we’d try for another, for a girl. I say I’d love to have another one day if we could manage it but imagine only trying hoping for a girl, I’d be just as happy with another boy!! I’d probably feel a bit nervous with a girl now as boys are all I know. You have three beautiful boys who are individuals before gender and that’s what you enjoy about them xx

    • Esther
      31st August 2016 / 10:19 pm

      I think parents of three girls must hear the same too – probably for different reasons though. Exactly – imagine hoping for a girl that whole time. It would be such a waste of energy hoping for one. Love your last sentence Hayley – perfect xx

  2. Natalie - little Jam Pot Life
    24th August 2016 / 8:42 pm

    I think it’s baffling how people comment at all. We have three girls and a boy and when É came out a girl I was having people ask if we would try for another boy to “even things out”. It actually made me feel very sad and guilty on my part and for my kids. We would love more children, boy or girl but I’ve been advised not to due to my core muscles. Something I find hard to accept. But fortunate for those we have xxx

    • Esther
      31st August 2016 / 10:20 pm

      People seem to have negative comments for every scenario. It is so strange that people feel the need to comment at all. I don’t mind good friends and family asking about it, but it’s weird when random people do! x

  3. 24th August 2016 / 9:57 pm

    I loved reading this Esther. I think I felt very much the same as you years ago, although I always imagined us with one of each. Me and my husband are both from families with one boy and one girl so that was all we knew. As soon as O came along something changed and I felt that I was meant to be a boy mum, and between us we said we could only see ourselves with boys. After it taking three years for G to come along I couldn’t have cared less if he was a boy or girl but when they told us he was boy, it just felt right. I strange feeling but as though everything was falling into place, things were as they should be. xxx

    • Esther
      31st August 2016 / 10:29 pm

      I loved reading this Jo – thank you for sharing. ‘Falling into place’ is such a perfect expression. So over the moon for your second addition xx

  4. 24th August 2016 / 10:40 pm

    Oh I love you Esther. Who cares indeed! A healthy baby is all that matters, one to love, to teach and to watch grow. Your boys are beautiful and looking at the three of them they were just meant to be. Meant to be brothers and meant to be yours. I actually think a fourth boy would be all kinds of awesome – but then again three brothers would be amazing for a little sister to have. Either way, your family is wonderful x

    • Esther
      31st August 2016 / 10:32 pm

      Loved reading your comment Donna and I agree so much. So meant to be and it’s beautiful! I agree four boys would be amazing, as would three boys and a girl for totally different reasons. Thanks Donna, you are always so kind xx

  5. 24th August 2016 / 11:06 pm

    A lovely post. You’re so right of course,, it doesn’t matter at all. I must admit when my first was a girl, I wanted another girl because I’ve always envied people with siblings of the same gender who were close in age, that bond between them is amazing. If I’d had a boy first though, I would have wanted another boy for the same reason. But if I’d had one of each I’d have been just as happy. We are so lucky to have healthy children, nothing else matters.
    Nat.x

    • Esther
      31st August 2016 / 10:33 pm

      This is so interesting Nat, and I know exactly what you mean. I have five brothers and five sisters, which I love. I do certain things with my brothers and certain things with my sisters and I love it! xx

  6. 25th August 2016 / 8:00 am

    Erm how gorge is Win in that last pic? what a cheeky monkey! I think whatever gender you have or number people seem to share their unwanted opinions. When I had E and M I had the perfect family apparently and why would I want more? WEIRD!!!
    All boys, all girls, a mix…all are special and unique and bless life, and its a bonus when they’re healthy!!
    I need to think more on why they were sent though, I like that one! x

    • Esther
      31st August 2016 / 10:35 pm

      I’ve heard a few people say that too…”Ooooo one of each”. People seem to comment whatever combination we are blessed with. It is SO weird, especially when it’s randomers! xx

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