I’ve had this post written for months, but it has always felt such a weird topic to write about – a sensitive one too.
Some colleagues at work used to joke that I looked at the world through ‘rose tinted spectacles’, which I found amusing but a tad patronising at the same time. I admit, I haven’t known true hardship – what it feels like not to be loved, not to be cared for, cheated on by someone I love, abandoned, or in an abusive relationship. I haven’t ever suffered a great loss, a debilitating illness, mental health problems, ever been bullied, fallen out with a friend, or had to go without any needs. I suppose this is why I find the world a beautiful and happy place to be. Why wouldn’t I?
I see the world in a positive light because quite possibly I’m naive, and it’s something I’m very aware of. It’s something that really worries me at times, is certainly not a problem and also makes me feel a little guilty – guilty for being so fortunate. I can’t say: “I know how you feel”, I can’t offer advice: “It will get better”, or: “This is what I did”. It all just seems a little fake, and I’m no good at saying things I don’t mean. I’m not competitive in life and am truly happy when others succeed – no matter how big or small, and I never think: “I’m glad that wasn’t me”. But I am naive.
I often wonder what I can offer friends when they come to talk to me about their problems, problems that are life changing, earth shattering and deeply upsetting. I feel like I can offer nothing, and I sit there and rack my brains to try and think of something – some small offering. I sit there feeling totally helpless, pathetic – ridiculous even. Why would someone come to me? Someone that is so naive to life’s hardships, and someone who is far from a perfect friend on every level.
I have thought about it so much over the years – why anyone would come and talk to me. I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s just that – because I’m naive. Maybe my ‘rose tinted’ view of the world gives people hope. Maybe it’s because I believe good things will always happen. Or maybe it’s because they find my positive outlook annoying and enjoy watching me squirm? I really don’t know for sure, and I’d rather not know.
I don’t know what my life will hold, but I do know that life can be so unfair – other people have taught me that, and so much more. I thank them for it.
We are all born equal, but we are not treated equally or born into equal circumstances. I don’t know why, but it’s something I plan on grilling God about one day. If I ever meet him, that is.
E xx
I think you are very fortunate to have such a positive outlook! I tend to be deeply suspicious of many things and tend to think good things sound ‘too good to be true’ a lot of the time. I wouldn’t say I have a negative outlook, because I’m a happy person, but I always question things. My husband finds that questioning incredibly annoying, he gives everything the benefit of the doubt. I think that makes more sense really, there’s no point in worrying about things that might never happen. Lovely post btw and I’m sure you give excellent advice. From your writing you sound very kind, I expect that’s why friends come to you for advice xxx
Thanks for your comment Kerry. I loved reading it and thank you for your kind words! I totally understand what you are saying about asking questions and being suspicious. Just reminds me how amazing and how different we all are, which is such a good thing. Your hubs would miss your questions I’m sure if you stopped asking them 😉 My problem is that I barely worry at all. Sometimes I worry that I don’t worry about much! Haha xx
Such a gorgeous post and I love that pic – its just lovely to look at for so many reasons.
I have always loved your naivety, when we became friends I prayed to have an outlook like you, and it wasn’t til my mission that I began to yes see pain and suffering like nothing I knew, but also to just see the world as a wonderful place too and love everyone without a need to compare etc. Its a nice way to see things.
I can only speak for myself, but I would and have tried to choose you to seek support from, not because you know, but in hope that you would understand that aspect of my life and how it changed me so that our friendship would grow together and not apart. Your positivity and kindness attracts others and when you are in a hard place you seek laughter, joy and just random beauty to lift your spirit, it doesn’t change the pain, but it gives you a boost to carry it… I always say that seeing you the morning Poppy was born, after all we had gone through in life together, and having you sat with me made my week, it brought me so much peace. I feel awkward talking to people that don’t get it for the reason I don’t like them feeling uncomfortable, but I find your outlook deffs brings hope and boosts to keep going, ranting and laughing make me happy and you can always offer that xx Thank you you are a wonderful person and friend/sister
Thanks Mare! I loved reading your comment so thanks for taking the time to write it. We are so different but I think that is such a good thing, and we can learn so much from each other. We have always had so much fun together, and may we have many, many more! Love you xx
This world is made up of all different types of people and I love all of my friends for different reasons, I’m sure that your positive outlook is exactly what makes your friends love you so much! Sometimes that naivety will be just what people need to balance out the opposite things in them. I think I’ve been pretty lucky in my life, apart from a bad couple of years with my Dad I don’t think I’ve ever really suffered heartache and when I have I have had fantastic support. I naturally think things will work out in the end, I guess that is a little naive! I expect that people come to you because you are kind and caring, they would never want that to change I am sure. Such a lovely post xx
You are so right Hayley. I love all of my friends for different reasons and they all cross over with different parts of my life. I thought I had enough friends and then since becoming a mum I’ve found a few really good ones. Now I don’t know what I’d do without them! Thank you so much for your kind words and I am definitely with you in thinking things will work out in the end. Life may prove different, but for now I’ll appreciate feeling like that. Friendships are so precious xx
I think it must be lovely to be you. I don’t mean that in a patronising way but in an honest way. It must be lovely to be so naive, it’s quite pure and natural. Untainted by a lot of life’s negatives. I have had more than my fair share of the unpleasant stuff in life and I think you’re right. When looking for someone to talk to about anything I look for the friend that is unburdened in their own life, the one without their own problems to worry about, the one that will have time to listen, make a cup of tea and be there. Sometimes you don’t have to say the right thing – you just don’t need to say anything and listening is enough.
Just keep doing what you;re doing Esther, keep being you x
Loved your little insight – thank you Donna, and I didn’t find your comment patronising at all. It just shows that we all need each other and often we don’t know what difference we are making. I (hopefully) still have many years left and who knows what life will hold? and I’m sorry you’ve had your fair share of unpleasant experiences in life. I hope you’ve found the love and support you’ve needed xx