I’ve had this post written for months, but it has always felt such a weird topic to write about – a sensitive one too.
Some colleagues at work used to joke that I looked at the world through ‘rose tinted spectacles’, which I found amusing but a tad patronising at the same time. I admit, I haven’t known true hardship – what it feels like not to be loved, not to be cared for, cheated on by someone I love, abandoned, or in an abusive relationship. I haven’t ever suffered a great loss, a debilitating illness, mental health problems, ever been bullied, fallen out with a friend, or had to go without any needs. I suppose this is why I find the world a beautiful and happy place to be. Why wouldn’t I?
I see the world in a positive light because quite possibly I’m naive, and it’s something I’m very aware of. It’s something that really worries me at times, is certainly not a problem and also makes me feel a little guilty – guilty for being so fortunate. I can’t say: “I know how you feel”, I can’t offer advice: “It will get better”, or: “This is what I did”. It all just seems a little fake, and I’m no good at saying things I don’t mean. I’m not competitive in life and am truly happy when others succeed – no matter how big or small, and I never think: “I’m glad that wasn’t me”. But I am naive.
I often wonder what I can offer friends when they come to talk to me about their problems, problems that are life changing, earth shattering and deeply upsetting. I feel like I can offer nothing, and I sit there and rack my brains to try and think of something – some small offering. I sit there feeling totally helpless, pathetic – ridiculous even. Why would someone come to me? Someone that is so naive to life’s hardships, and someone who is far from a perfect friend on every level.
I have thought about it so much over the years – why anyone would come and talk to me. I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s just that – because I’m naive. Maybe my ‘rose tinted’ view of the world gives people hope. Maybe it’s because I believe good things will always happen. Or maybe it’s because they find my positive outlook annoying and enjoy watching me squirm? I really don’t know for sure, and I’d rather not know.
I don’t know what my life will hold, but I do know that life can be so unfair – other people have taught me that, and so much more. I thank them for it.
We are all born equal, but we are not treated equally or born into equal circumstances. I don’t know why, but it’s something I plan on grilling God about one day. If I ever meet him, that is.