I have a really hard time accepting the curves of my pregnancy body. I find it extremely difficult not to be in control of the weight I’m gaining; as normally I will just make small changes if I need to lose a few pounds. I am now nearly 25 weeks pregnant so my bump has certainly made an appearance and I don’t like looking at my side profile. I feel guilty that I feel this way and slightly pathetic; as I’m sure there are much bigger problems in the world that I could be worrying about. I know pregnancy is an incredible and fascinating process…but it doesn’t make it any easier. I still can’t get my head around that I am no longer one person – I am 1 & 5/8 as I have a squiggly baby boy inside of me, with his own personality. However; the effect it has on my confidence makes it difficult to enjoy any changes.
– My stomach is my favourite part of my body, so when it’s not how I want it – it make me self conscious…then any other weight I put on…goes on my legs, which is already the chunkiest part of my body.
– It makes me feel really self conscious in unfamiliar social situations and I find it much harder to initiate conversation.
– I can never decide what to wear.
– I avoid photographs at every opportunity.
– I worry that people will think I’ve let myself go – if they don’t realise I’m pregnant.
– I have quite high expectations of myself and quickly feel disappointed if I don’t feel like I’m meeting them.
I find it quite overwhelming at times and am sure if Winston wasn’t so in love with being outside – I would mostly hibenate. I have one picture of when I was pregnant with W that was taken by somebody else (without my knowledge) and it is awful. This time around I have made a conscious effort to ’embrace’ my new body more – but it really is difficult. I have allowed more pictures to be taken of me which (ridiculously) I feel is a huge step. I’ve still got lots of growing to do and am desperately trying to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Here is a snap reluctantly taken this week: